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Feb. 16th, 2010 04:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
just2handsDiary, December 21, 2009
Oh God, please, please if you have... *scribbled out, tear-stained, the rest of the page ripped out of the book*
Diary, December 23, 2009
We made it. We're alive. All of us. Eyota, Ashley, Han, Freyja, Logan and Oni. I've never been so nervous, so, I don't even know the words! I say we, not because I fought; I wasn't there; but I say 'we' because it is my pack, my family too.
I made out ok for as long as they were in the house, but soon as they left - soon as they were gone? I spent the next half hour throwing up in the bathroom. Hating myself because I couldn't go with them, hating the fact that I was weaker, slower, only a human. Hating the fact that - even if I went? I wouldn't have been able to do anything except wrap a bandage and watch them go back into battle. If they would have even allowed me to do that much.
So afraid that they wouldn't be coming back alive. I don't think I ever realized how much I cared until I watched them leave, thinking that some or all of them might not make it. It hit home for me then, being left behind, how much I do love them all. And how much I couldn't bear it if they didn't make it back to me, every single one of them.
And they say that Mike was there in the battle and made it out alive as well. Along with Lynn, and the names of a few others that I don't think I've met yet. Mab was there, without her magics and her people, we might have lost the fight. So I'm thankful, so very thankful.
Just wish I had been there. They may have come home but... it had to be one hell of a fire fight. Most people wouldn't have survived. I wouldn't have survived. I wouldn't have been able to do much, but I hate, hate! Being left behind.
Oh God, please, please if you have... *scribbled out, tear-stained, the rest of the page ripped out of the book*
Diary, December 23, 2009
We made it. We're alive. All of us. Eyota, Ashley, Han, Freyja, Logan and Oni. I've never been so nervous, so, I don't even know the words! I say we, not because I fought; I wasn't there; but I say 'we' because it is my pack, my family too.
I made out ok for as long as they were in the house, but soon as they left - soon as they were gone? I spent the next half hour throwing up in the bathroom. Hating myself because I couldn't go with them, hating the fact that I was weaker, slower, only a human. Hating the fact that - even if I went? I wouldn't have been able to do anything except wrap a bandage and watch them go back into battle. If they would have even allowed me to do that much.
So afraid that they wouldn't be coming back alive. I don't think I ever realized how much I cared until I watched them leave, thinking that some or all of them might not make it. It hit home for me then, being left behind, how much I do love them all. And how much I couldn't bear it if they didn't make it back to me, every single one of them.
And they say that Mike was there in the battle and made it out alive as well. Along with Lynn, and the names of a few others that I don't think I've met yet. Mab was there, without her magics and her people, we might have lost the fight. So I'm thankful, so very thankful.
Just wish I had been there. They may have come home but... it had to be one hell of a fire fight. Most people wouldn't have survived. I wouldn't have survived. I wouldn't have been able to do much, but I hate, hate! Being left behind.
